i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
