So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
