This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
