and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Randomize
