Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
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He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
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I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate