Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?