I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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