Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
