There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
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Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
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What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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