He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
