My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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