i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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