Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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