i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
