I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just high enough for therapy.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
