U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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