I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
