I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize