Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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