here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize