he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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