I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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