If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
