currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
