Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
