I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
