Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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