Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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