She's JV to your varsity
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
