Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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