I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
