The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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