Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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