Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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