I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
zippers are such a cool invention
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize