Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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