It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
