hell yes lets make some ravioli
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
