I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
