at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
