Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
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I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
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I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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