I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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