okay pat passed out under dana's car
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
