went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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