Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
