Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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