i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
