I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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