Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
