I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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