If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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