KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
