Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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