She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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