May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
