This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
