My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
