Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
True strength comes from lack of pants
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
