This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
