2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
