I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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