Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
