walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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