I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
