Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
