you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
