You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
