y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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