i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
