HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
