I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
false alarm, still single
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
