I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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