But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
