Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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