And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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