just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
