We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
