You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
