Do you still have your period?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
